05 February 2020
Dogs have owners while cats have staff. That’s why dogs come when called, and cats take a message and might, just might get back with you later.
I recently heard a speaker compare the entries from a dog’s journal and a cat’s journal.
8:00 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
1:30 pm - Ohoooooo. Bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while forcing me to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. To disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was! Hmmm, this strategy not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason, they chose to waterboard me. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some gathering of their accomplices. The placed me in solitary throughout the event; however, I could hear the noise. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” I must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am sure he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, he is safe. I can wait; it is only a matter of time!